As an American English speaker, I encountered a bit of a language barrier in New Zealand. Mind you, it’s not serious. Compared to my time living in South America, I suffered very few dramatic breakdowns in communication–although my darling web designer boyfriend did once profess to having no idea what “firmware” was because he thought the speaker was saying “firmer,” but hey, it happens. And I thought store clerks were telling me I had a sweet ass every time I paid with exact change. (See Part Three for an explanation of that one).

I figured it’d be helpful to throw together a little Kiwi English guide for any other Americans venturing south. Because, god knows we have a bad enough rap already– let’s not make it worse by confusing a bonnet with something you might want to put on your head.

Part One: Survival Techniques

To survive your trip to New Zealand you need to be able to navigate a grocery store, understand road signage and order the correct cup of coffee. These things are so important that I’ve written specific guides for each scenario. Brush up with these and then proceed to Part Two.

How to Grocery Shop like a Kiwi

How to Drive like a Kiwi

How to Order Coffee Like a Kiwi

Bonus: How to Eat like a Kiwi — Foods to Try in New Zealand (and how to say them like a Kiwi…kinda)

Part Two: The Basics

Chips = French fries
Toilet = public bathroom, not just the toilet
Flat = apartment
Flatting = to share an apartment with someone
Flatmates = people you share your flat with
Roommates = people you share your room/bed with **pitfall alert**
Mate = friend
Track = Trail
Dairy = a mini-market, nothing to do with dairy products (although they do probably sell ice cream and milk)
Bonnet = hood of the car
Boot = Trunk of the car
Ute = Truck (comes from utility vehicle)
Nappies = diapers
Tramping = hiking, not whatever you were thinking
Tea = dinner (Although a lot of Kiwis use the term dinner as well…so when you’re invited for tea…CUE MASSIVE CONFUSION)
Jandals = sandals
Chocolate = desert (sometimes…other times it actually means chocolate…)
Cuppa = cup of coffee or tea, usually after dinner, as in, “want to come in for a cuppa?”
Chilly bin = cooler. How endearing is that?
Bach = vacation home, comes from “bachelor” so instead of being pronounced like the musician like I originally thought, it’s “batch.” Silly me.

Part Three: The Hard Stuff

I’m sure a legit linguist (as opposed to a fake linguist but dedicated language nerd like myself) could do a better job explaining this. Then again they’d probably bore your pants off. So I’m going to give it a go….

“e” –> “i” vowel shift. This is the base reason why Kiwis are so hard to understand for, um, basically the rest of the English speaking world. Somewhere along the line, “e”s stopping being “e” and started being “i.”

Some examples

deck becomes dick…
peg — pig
leg — lig
head — hid

You can see how this could get confusing… but it gets worse…because…

“i” occasionally turns into “u.”

As in, the ubiquitous “fush and chips.”

and “a” sometimes becomes “i”, too.

track (remember what that means from Part Two?!) sounds like trick
rarely — rilly (don’t ask me where the second “r” goes…and yes that means it sounds exactly like “really.” Sigh.)

Now that you’ve nailed pronunciation, we can proceed to some really unique Kiwi expressions…

Tacking “as” onto the end of adjectives. This is a big one. This is why I thought people were always talking about my sweet ass, because “sweet as” is the most common application of this term. However, “as” can be applied to pretty much anything.

Sweet as…
Hard as…
Easy as…
Fun as…
Dodgy as… (my personal favorite!)

Heaps = It means “a lot” or “loads” and you should get used to this term fast because it is used, well, heaps.

Examples..
“I’m going to miss you heaps…”
“I’ve got heaps of work to do…”

Keen = To be interested in something or willing to do something.

“I’m keen to go with you.”
“I’m going to the movies. Are you keen?”

Eh/Ay = How you end every sentence in Kiwi. In other words, how we Americans think Canadians talk. (Except I’ve been to Canada and they don’t say “ay” nearly as much as the Kiwis. So GO FIGURE.)

And example conversation between two Kiwis:

A: How was your hike, eh?
B: Not bad, eh.

IT MAKES NO SENSE.

She’ll be right. This means “it’ll be okay.” Usually followed with “mate.”

As in, “she’ll be right, mate.”

Part 4: The Test

Please translate the following sentences into American English. Let me know how you did in the comments!

One: That track was hard as, mate!

Two: Let’s throw the chilly bin in the ute and pick up my flatties. We can stay at my mate’s bach and all go for a tramp!

Three: I’ve got heaps of work to do, so no time for a proper tea. How about we just grab some fush and chips?

For even more entertainment and enlightenment on the topic, check out this post from Young Adventuress.

Anything I missed? Have you ever had a lost-in-translation moment in your native tongue? How’d you do on my quiz?!